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  • Writer's pictureElizabeth Stewart-Williams, MDR

Divorce Hurts If Love Ever Existed...

I confer with people daily about the process of separation and leaving a committed union. I often ask where are they "emotionally" and the first response is often "I'm fine, just want this to be over." My response to this is compassion, but I still ask of them to self-evaluate where they are in the reality of feelings and emotions. People when going through pain, many times do not say the nicest things or think in a positive way. Divorce hurts if love ever existed between the parties. This does not mean divorce should not occur for that is an individual decision, but rather what it means is that its okay to acknowledge moments of a relationship and closing a chapter in your life. It is okay to acknowledge that love existed.

The problem in many Family Courts is that they penalize a person for feelings. We are human and family issues can be emotional. The Courts also do not have the time to deal with your feelings, and barely your issues. It was never structured to address such sensitive concerns.

This is why you should protect yourself in the divorce process with alternative dispute resolutions where you have more control in decision-making in regards to your life. If you:

  • Leave it to Attorneys (especially those who have not been trained in collaboration) then expect to fight. Think about it they are trained to combat, defend, and seek to win they will go at great lengths to "win" that means the possibility of destroying any type of agreement with your ex; but understand no one wins in Family Court for its a perpetual process. This means a person can continuously keep the process going with no end or resolution;

  • Leave it to the Family Court System (this includes Judges, Custody Evaluators, Psych Therapists hired by the Court, Guardian Ad Litem...) then expect accusations which can be true or false, rulings according to discretion meaning no legal basis for determinations, judging of your lifestyle or life choices, unwanted investigations, prying into your life including your family, friends, job, and even extended family and with the potential of criminalizing you without basis or proof;

  • Leave it to other people (parents, friends, new loves...) to handle your decision-making then it will be based on there desires and perceptions instead of your needs or the needs of your child(ren).

You do not have to go through unnecessary heartache and confusion. You do not have to be tricked out of thousands of dollars to "fight it out" in a system that can keep you there for years, and you do not have to be physically punished for loving a person you thought you would be with forever. Divorce is hard, but it does not have to be a continuous burden. Work out a plan of peace today and attempt peaceful resolution.

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